This week we are celebrating your two month mark. It’s hard to believe that you are already two months, where is the time slipping away to? Before we know it you will be crawling and I will be returning back to work. You have had a very exciting month! Your personality is really starting to show, though you are still our content little girl you sure love to talk to us, kicking your legs and pumping your arms as fast as you can as you follow us around the room. Speaking of pumping your arms, I have to apologize, I was not present to protect my sweet baby from your New Jersey relatives but while you were visiting Uncle Al, Grandpa Sven and Grandma Toni they taught you how to fist pump, I am deeply sorry, but you loved it and kept going with it. Daddy thought it was funny and added in his “untz, untz, untz” sounds to your pumping arms. I told them that you were a California girl and they shouldn’t try and corrupt you this early, luckily, you will not remember this. You are sleeping through the night and we cannot thank you enough for this. You will typically go to sleep around 11 pm and will sleep until 6 am. I know you should be going to sleep a little earlier but you tend to take later naps so we have to wake you up at 11 to feed you and then we go to sleep as a family. You are still sleeping in our bed but this will be coming to an end as soon as we are comfortable knowing that you will not suffocate yourself as you love to sleep on your tummy. You are lifting your head nicely and you are getting your crawling moves down. When we visited Dr. Martinez for your wellness visit she said that you’re a very strong baby in between all the oohh’s and ahh’s she gave me. She thinks you are a gorgeous baby and honestly everyone that sees you cannot get over have pretty you are. Daddy now understands why other Daddy’s own guns. It has been a great month watching you grow, we have gotten a little routine down and we are feeling more like a family.

• At your wellness visit you weighed 10 pounds 15 ounces – 75th percentile and you were 23 inches long 90th percentile.
• You received your first round of shots. You were fine for about six hours and then you were cranky. The following day you were awake for about three hours total for the day (thank you, we finally got to start cleaning out the office).
• You are still drinking 4 ounces but sometimes you want 6 ounces.
• You have discovered your right hand, we’ll see if you start sucking your thumb but for now you suck on your entire hand.

I cannot believe you have been here for one month already. Time is surely flying by and you are growing like a weed. When you first came home from the hospital we headed out to take you to meet your Great-Grandma and the next day at your day four doctors visit you had gone from 8 pounds to 6 pounds 14 ounces. We were instructed by Dr. Martinez to start supplementing with formula to start packing on the ounces because you were obviously not getting enough breastmilk from me. I had a really hard time dealing with this news; I had already felt like a failure with not being able to have a natural delivery and not being able to watch you enter this world but to have to deal with not being able to provide enough food for you really sent me into a whirlwind of depression. Luckily, we were surrounded by family as we spent your first Christmas up at Grandma and Papa’s house. There you got to meet your cousins for the first time and Ethan couldn’t get over how “cute” you were and kept talking to you in baby talk while rubbing your cheek. I cannot wait until you can interact with them because before you were born I considered them my pseudo children. We could only stay up in Running Springs until Sunday because we had to get you home for a two-week check-up on your weight on Monday morning and by then you had reached 7 pounds 5 ounces. The week of New Year’s the three of us just lounged around the house and got accustomed to being a family and rang in the New Year while laying in bed. Daddy had to head back to work on the fourth of January after having almost three weeks off, you and I were on our own for the first time. On the 5th we headed back to the doctor’s to check your weight again and by then you had finally reached your birthweight plus an ounce. At your appointment I discussed with Dr. Martinez how much you are consuming. If I feed you off my breast for fifteen minutes on each side you are instantly whiny wanting more food, while I am still not producing enough milk you will continue to eat two additional ounces of formula or in the case of just drinking formula you can consume up to four ounces at one feeding. You are also rolling around and “talking” above your age and at day twelve while laying in bed you completely rolled over. You had Daddy and I scared to death and we just looked at each other and said, “we’re in trouble”.

Our dear Pay, can you please act your age? In time you will roll over, lift your head and hold your own bottle but you need to relax my dear baby girl. You already have the patience of your proud mama and beaming Papa.

This month has sped on by and since then this is what you have accomplished:

• Have visited the mall four times. I know this is silly, but on Day three (our first day home) we hit the mall to finish our Christmas shopping.
• Met your Great-Grandmother where she called you “her precious baby” and told me that “you do look like me”. We visited her three times in your first month.
• Had a White Christmas
• Sleeping for roughly three to four hours (five hours on occassion) at a time at night, we thank you for this.
• Rolled over on day twelve. Hasn’t happened since, but hey, we did watch you do it.
• Gave Mommy two real smiles on 1/12/10 at 11:11 AM. The first time I screamed and couldn’t believe it, but then you did it again. This truly made my day and made my heart melt yet again.
• We had your adorable newborn pictures taken on day eleven. Tessa said you are the longest newborn baby she has ever photographed.
• Went to your first “bump” get together.
• Smiled at Daddy on 1/16.

Dear Payton,

Thursday, December 17^th Daddy and I went to my routine thirty-nine week appointment. Betty measured me at 3-½ cm but she was overly concerned because my blood pressure was still high and I was still having consistent headaches. She decided to send us down to Zion to have my non-stress done and to have lab work done. She didn’t make any promises, but she sent us down there in hope that I would progress to 4 cm and they would admit me.

Before heading down to Mission Valley, Daddy had some last minute work to finish up and I decided to mail out a few Christmas packages, stopped at Trader Joe’s and we had lunch at Panera. We were not certain if we would return home so we wanted to make sure the house was tidy and that last minute Christmas stuff was complete. We left for the hospital around 3:30 PM.

Around 4:00 PM we arrived at the hospital and headed down to the basement to have my lab work done and then we made our way up to the fourth floor to Labor and delivery. They did all the routine paperwork for admitting me to triage but they did not have a bed for me so we waited in the waiting room for about thirty minutes and then we went to room number one where they hooked me up to monitor to check on your heartbeat and if any contractions were being measured. Daddy and I watched the news, laughed and sat patiently as we watched my contractions build. Around 5:45 PM the midwife on duty came in to check me and I was 4-½ cm dilated and she said that we would be having a baby today. She sent in the RN to start the admittance procedure, gave me my IV, and sent us out to walk for an hour because again, all fourteen-labor rooms were full. I walked a little bit while Daddy ran out to get some food for me to sneak since we didn’t know how long it would be until you arrived. My last meal wasn’t the best but I cannot begin to tell you how amazing chicken nuggets and French fries from Wendy’s can be when you know you won’t be eating for a while. Around 8 PM we headed back up to L&D where we were escorted to our room and there, Janice or a.k.a. Helga greeted us. She huffed and puffed as she connected me to the monitors and I was literally ready to ask for another RN. She was sweating, out of breath and seriously overweight. I knew that this wasn’t going to go well from the get-go.

Let the waiting game begin! We sat in our room watching TV, and a few hours later Grandma, Papa and Auntie greeted us. We all sat around watching TV and every time Helga would walk in the room she would glare at Papa for sitting in her chair. The midwife came in and broke my water to get the ball rolling. Can I tell you that the sensation of having your water break is the most awkward feeling I think I have ever had! A little pop from the knitting-type needle sent a gush of water out and with every slight movement more water would pour out. I just kept hysterically laughing because I couldn’t control it. A few hours later at 1:45 AM the midwife came in to check me and I was 5 cm. The contractions started to build and I literally only felt about four contractions and I took them up on my epidural. Helga said it would be around 30 minutes but it ended up being about ten. Receiving the epidural wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it. The only hard part about it was the initial prick of the needle into the spine and I really thought that once it was all in that the rush of cold medicine into my spine felt pretty neat (weird I know). Everyone in the room just sat in a semi-circle in awe of how many needles entered my spine and at one point I remember looking at Daddy and I thought he was going to lose it. Helga then laid me on my left side and said that she would be back in thirty minutes to flip me, but it turned into an hour and she showed up with the midwife who checked my progress and I had progressed to 9 cm. Holy Crap! She alerted Helga to prep for delivery and then we were all on edge. The room was prepped and then Helga left for another hour, I called the nurses station at one point because I felt the urge to push and they checked me and I was 10 cm, but basically said I needed to wait. Um, okay. A few hours roll by . . .

At 5:15 AM, yes, almost three hours later at 10 cm, Helga finally came back to my room and said we would start pushing. The first odd thing was that Helga was the only person in the room. She had Grandma and Daddy hold a leg each and we pushed three times and she kept saying, “good”. Well, this “good” went on for two hours with multiple positions tried to inch your head out. At the end of this exhausting two-hour pushing feat a shift change was occurring and Anita was coming on as my RN. I was taking a break because towards the end of those two hours I could feel absolutely every contraction. I was also hysterically crying and wanting it just to be over with. Helga had called in the antheselogist and he gave me a small dosage because Helga told Anita that it should only take me about 30 minutes more to push you out. I rested and calmed myself down and tried to mentally prepare myself for this next pushing session, telling myself not only, “you can do this” but “millions of women have done this, grow-up and just push as hard as you possibly can”. I didn’t want to be a failure. Anita was fabulous, I pushed my little heart out and she said we had a little progress and after thirty minutes went by I could feel every contraction once again. Finally, a doctor came in and watched me push through three contractions to see if it was an ill attempt at pushing or that you were stubborn. Well, you were stubborn or at least your shoulders were. She started to explain to me that we would have to go into an emergency c-section to get you out in a healthy condition. I held my composure, but the entire time she was talking all I wanted to do was scream at her. She looked like she was a fifteen-year-old, red headed girl stuck in a doctor’s coat giving orders. She left the room and the water works started, and not any water works, a freaking waterfall of un-controllable tears wailing from my eyes. I squirmed on the bed as every contraction came, gripping the bed rails, and feeling majorly defeated. I hated myself. I despised you. I was so scared. I couldn’t even look at anyone in the room as they prepped me for surgery. I remembered hearing them talk as they prepared Daddy in his scrubs, and at one point I looked up to see Papa standing at the foot of the bed. He looked scared, his first-born was in severe pain and he couldn’t help. Auntie came over and kissed me and said it would be okay and she started to cry telling me everything would be okay. They wheeled me out and I shook and continued to cry all the way down the hallway to my surgery room. I remember seeing all the lights; bright, electric white and about ten staff gearing up to remove my insides. As they moved me from my bed to the operating table they held down my arms and they asked if I could feel any pain, telling me that they just put a clamp to my skin. I told them that I couldn’t feel anything, still hysterical of course. The older doctor stood over me rubbing my hand telling me everything would be okay, yet all I could think of was that I was an Alien in an experiment. They brought in Daddy and he rubbed my right hand and they brought the hospital blue sheet over my head so I couldn’t see anything and began the incision. I started to hyperventilate; pretty much screaming to stop because I could feel them cutting open my abdomen. Nobody could hear me. I kept crying and finally the antheseologist asked what I could feel and I told him that I could feel them cutting over the left ovary. He was telling the two doctors who were deep into conversation to stop and finally had to yell at them to stop. He told me that since I could feel them cutting that they would have to put me completely under and then I went even further with the water works. Daddy was ordered out of the room while they put me under and the nice doctor started asking if I had a brother, you know, the small conversation to make me feel better. Good try. I was out within two minutes.

I awoke to what felt like someone slamming the bedsides down. I searched the room, screaming Daddy’s name and there he was to my right. They immediately brought you over and laid you on my right breast. With tears in his eyes and a shaky voice, Daddy told me that you had all ten toes, ten fingers, that you weighed in at eight pounds even, arriving at 9:46 AM and that he had never been more scared in his life. You were perfect. Still shaking and out of it, I looked at Daddy and told him, “I never knew how much I loved him until today”. We sat and stared at you in amazement. Anita came by and was astonished at how well I was doing already and at how pink you were. I listened to her talk on the phone to the nurse’s station bragging about you and me. I asked Daddy for his phone so I could call Grandma in the waiting room to let her know all your stats and told her that you look just like me. I then called your cousin Makayla to wish her a Happy Birthday and to let her know that she and her cousin will be sharing the same birthday. They soon wheeled me to my room where everyone followed and got to meet and hold you for the first time. In the room they gave you a sponge bath and measured you: Chest: 13 ¼ Head: 13 ½ Length: 21 ¼. A few pictures were taken and then it was just the three of us, beginning our journey as a family. Daddy and I talked for a while, crying, and discussing the day’s events and how they went down. We knew our lives were forever changed; you are our perfect angel. Something we never thought we’d have and now we cannot imagine a day without you. We cannot wait to watch you grow and to be by your side as you embark on the journey we call life.

We love you piglet.

(Of course there is a lot more. We had a hell of a time with staff inconsistencies, information not being relayed or documented. We are currently documenting our entire stay at Kaiser’s Zion to be mailed to the Medical Director per the request of our pediatrician).