Life

Quarantine Week #3

We made it through week three. This week got a little easier but we still had a lot of ups and downs. I started journaling in my phone nightly before bed just to vent. I try to call my Mom daily if not every other day to talk to someone other than my humans, my chicken babies and our dog who is absolutely thrilled with all the attention. I didn’t have the intention of posting my ramblings, but I might as well post them here.

March 31st:

Maddie turns 13 today. Today is also the 19th anniversary of my Grandma Barr’s passing. Brayden and I did school work before Payton woke-up. I started to clean our room. It’s such a fucking mess. Wrapping paper, dust bunnies, clothes everywhere. Lord send help. We left to drive-up to see Maddie. I know, shoot us. We left the house. We stopped at Albertsons. Kids got Starbucks and a candy at checkout. Little things to make it seem “normal”. Got on the freeway and there was still a good amount of cars but nothing like the normal northbound I-15 traffic shitstorm. Spent about two hours at my sisters. I brought my parents all the goods I scored yesterday: the holy grail of Costco paper towels, Clorox wipes, Doritos because they were on sale, breakfast sandwiches for my Dad, a few apple fritter donuts to make Dad smile and some other random shit I found while shopping. I setup my Dad’s iPad so my mom can easily FaceTime any of us. She’s so lonely up there. I worry about them. I wish they were down here but then I’d have to listen to Fox News. Oh wait, she informed me today that CNN news reporter, Chris Cuomo, has the rona. My Dad responds with, asshole. My sister’s in-laws were there too. They were all talking about how it’s crazy you can’t get your haircut or nails done. You should see my hair. I wish I was actually making money right before this mess. I wouldn’t have cancelled my hair appt. I haven’t had my hair highlighted since 12/20. We left my sisters and stopped at Raising Canes. Don’t worry, we got extra toast and sauce for Brayden. I got Jim and I Del Taco. Got home to say good nite to my chickens. I binged another Netflix show, “Safe”. Before I get angry ass messages as to why we were all at my sister’s house, it was entirely up to them. My sister is an RN and bro is a sheriff. If we get the rona, then give me a “I told you so”. This was also before Riverside County went on lockdown later in the week.

April 1st:

School was cancelled for the rest of the year and it wasn’t an April Fool’s joke. Today was just a rough day. Screaming, crying, frustrations. Made burgers for dinner and had s’mores off the grill. Kids were happy. Brayden was convinced he was going to stay up until 1 AM for a fortnite thing. He came into bed at 11:55 and fell asleep immediately. Good try, buddy. I started and finished Unorthodox on Netflix tonight.

April 2nd:

Payton actually wanted to do school work today. We got both kids relatively caught up. I’m over the arguing so after we attempt the work I let them just be kids. I cleaned our room and closet. 3 bags of clothes gone. Those size 27/28 jeans I decided to keep. Who am I kidding though? I’ve gained so much weight I should’ve thrown them away. I took the curtains down, a dingy grey that needed much attention. I opened boxes of items I bought for the staff before school started for the hospitality committee. I cried. We had pork tenderloin and mashed potatoes. I had to run to Walmart for a few items. I’m used to the weirdness in the stores by now. As I walked to our car the stationary police monitoring system in the parking lot had a voice recording. This was new and alarming. It was telling us in almost the same voice as the Matterhorn recording how to keep ourselves safe. Fear ran through my body and I felt like I was inside the Hunger Games. On my way home I stopped at McDonalds to surprise the kids with a McFlurry and added two toys at the window, because why the fuck not? I stayed up way too late again. Finished “The Stranger” and tried falling asleep to Discovery planet.

April 3rd:

Kids had their first zoom meetings with their class. Both kids were excited to share their doggo and other items. After Brayden’s Zoom he and Tanner FaceTimed for an hour or so. They miss each other so much. We made homemade pasta, prepped chocolate chip cookie dough and began sourdough starter. It was a good day. No fighting. I didn’t get on the kids too much for school work. I just let it be. We ate a yummy meal that was like we were at a nice Italian restaurant. After dinner kids played Fort Nite and Jim worked. I’m alone. Nothing left on Netflix that looks good. I’m just bored and wish I had someone to talk to. Karen found me flour and wants to trade sourdough bread for a succulent coffee tin. So thankful for these interactions. Jim has been working in his office for the last 1+hr. He said he had to send an email. Not writing this to nit pick, just fucking lonely. He lost his team, the company has probably lost 100+ employees by now. Tomorrow will be a better day. I am just down.

April 4th:

We slept in a bit but that’s been the norm. Jim and I ran to Costco to get gas, we paid .6¢ less than we did the week before paying $2.49/gallon. We did a Walmart run for some essentials. Our old neighbors were giving away their trampoline so we went to pick that up from them. It was such a sunny beautiful day then it turned as we were piecing the trampoline together. The kids were so excited to have a new to them trampoline. Ours is seven years old and needed to be replaced. So thankful for neighbors. As the kids jumped I prepped our #frontporchproject photos for five minutes. We argued, kids were pissed that they had to take them. We tried having one of the chickens and that was a disaster. She started scratching Payton and then everyone was even more mad at one another for another one of my crazy ideas. Heaven forbid I want to remember this crazy ass time. You’ll thank me one day. I changed back into sweats and Jim cleaned the pool grids. I went to grab Chipotle. We are trying to use the many restaurant gift cards we got for Christmas at least once per week. Other than that we haven’t been getting food to-go. But I needed that break. I took melatonin and actually fell asleep early. I posted our front porch pictures. I am offering to take them for friends or anyone really. I’ll work on that tomorrow!

April 6th:

We started off breakfast by baking our chocolate chip cookie dough that had been in the fridge for three days. Payton asked, really? I said, why not, there’s no rules right now. I wrapped a few cookies in parchment and grabbed a half dozen eggs to drop off at Karen’s house. I am so happy she was able to secure a 50 pound bag of flour for me. Having friends in high places aka Costco sure does have it’s benefits. After that we cautiously ran through Target to get Easter goodies for the kids. I can feel the eye rolls now. I sent texts to several friends and secured at least 15 families to document next Saturday. The rain started again, FML. Brayden still had a $50 GC to Target so I let him pick out a few board games and we did a drive-up Target order. This was their first time out of the house since Monday. This marks two times in three weeks they’ve left their house. We waited in the parking lot and kids played in the back of the car with the seats down. Oh, and because I am living on the COVID-19 edge we went through McDonald’s and they got a Happy Meal. We watched people, we talked about how things have changed. Headed home and they played games. Teachers just sent the first official week of distance learning plans. Praying it goes well. A little Walking Dead next. Wait…Walking Dead fans, did anything actually just happen? uggghhhh. I have a dumbass question, they take a mid season break. They typically film in the Summer. How are the last few episodes of this season not edited? How do you feel about that preview? hmmm…

I am taking my nightly melatonin so I can maybe sleep. Nevermind. Started watching “Spinning Out” on Netflix. Like “The Cutting Edge” but deals with bipolar disorder. I highly recommend it. I am pissed they release one season and then Netflix cancels. This show needs another season. Just like “Anne with an E”.

Delilah came along for the ride too. Why not? She got a few fries as a treat.

Here’s to a good week 4…praying.

memories sweet as pie

Last week my Dad drove with me to Ramona to go to the Tractor Supply store. It was raining out and I didn’t want him to sit at my house watching more of Fox News so I peeled him off of the couch. It was our first time at this store and we laughed as we were greeted with larger than life metal roosters. I turned to him and said, just what my new chicken coop needs…a life sized cock! We laughed and I then told him we should get one for Mom. He followed me around the store and after we found what I was looking for I surprised him with a drive up to Julian to get a slice of pie. As we started the slow drive up I told him what my plan was and he replied, “I was hoping”. I smiled. It was a quiet drive like it usually is these days. Unless we’re on the freeway and my Mom is in the backseat. Then there’s lots of grumbles of GD’s and MF’ers. When he isn’t spitting out grumbled obscenities I sometimes pretend like I know what he’s saying and other times I can make out our conversations. But most of the time it’s quiet. I replay his voice in my head as I look at the deep grey sky. I look at him, he looks at me and we smile. The winding road finally led us to Mom’s Pies. One of my favs. This visit was cold, a brisk 49º with nobody else in the place. I ordered our slices and cups of coffee. He smirked and said Mom was going to be mad we did this without her. I just laughed and told him that she should’ve gotten dressed sooner. As we ate our pie listening to the soft sound of 80’s music and the wind wrestling outside he had the cutest child-like grin. We left after fifteen minutes. As we walked out he thanked me for buying him pie and coffee. I joked again telling him the drive was worth every minute because it was one less minute of another brain cell dying because of Fox News. We looked at houses on our drive back down. I’d point at the cows in the pastures and he’d give me his cute “baby cow” and I immediately was placed back to our road trip through Texas two years ago.When we got back to the house life went back to normal. Rushing around, back to the grind. Fast forward to tonight. I cooked a meal that was supposed to be for all of us this weekend but I got too busy and my parents had to head home. The four of us sat down to watch the film, Rim of the World after dinner. The kids were so excited about it because “it’s where I’m from”. The film opened to what’s supposed to be Big Bear Lake. I told them that I hate to break it to you but I think that’s Mammoth. Of course I was right because I know Twin Lakes. It’s not that I tried to be a know-it-all but I dream of Twin Lakes. A few months ago I planned a camping trip for our entire family this Summer. After we took my parents to Vegas my Mom told my sister and I that there was no way that Dad could handle this trip and we’d have to go alone. I was devastated. I wanted my kids to experience Mammoth during the Summer like I did almost every Summer growing up. As we watched the movie I got sad. I made comments about our cancelled trip and the kids made comments how they were so glad they didn’t have to go. Because I can’t deal with emotional situations right now I got in the hottest shower and just silently cried. I didn’t let out a peep. But I mourned my Dad. My Dad that’s still living, but gone. It’s so unrealistic that I thought a camping trip would bring my Dad back. I wanted the crisp mountain air surrounded by a campfire to fill my lungs. I wanted my kids to run around the campsite with their cousins to adventure just like my sister and I did with our cousins. I wanted my Dad to have one last camping trip. I wanted to see him on a boat with Rainbow Falls behind him putting bait on a hook. I want him to be happy. What I realized tonight is that it won’t happen. I lost that Dad three years ago. It’s so fucking difficult having my Dad here but not here. I wished three years ago on my birthday to hear him talk. To hear him say, “Happy Birthday”. My wish has never come true and it never will. I have an angry version of my Dad filled with sweet moments and memories intertwined like highway 67. As much as I want a perfect outcome God has other plans, other difficult situations to test us with. Why our test, or my Dad’s last years have to burdened with no voice is beside me. But he was given time…because he and I needed more time. I might not have the strong man I remember as I child but I now have the strong Papa version who wakes up each day, drinks his coffee, laughs like a four-year-old, cries like a two-year-old, is able to give me a groggy I LOVE YOU and hug. One day I won’t have either. I am thankful for the sweet moments and reminders. Just like I needed pie that day.

first day

After all the stress last night the kids (and I) survived the first day of the school year. The day didn’t really go as planned, our back-to-school traditions weren’t done, but I am the only one who really noticed. Payton loves her teacher and is so happy that her best friends are in the same class. Brayden loved his day, though it was too long and hot for him, he survived. This school year is going to be a good one.

the unofficial end of summer

As I lay wide awake just hours before both my babies enter elementary school, I am pondering how we got here so quickly. I know this is the most redundant question a parent asks themselves over the course of a lifetime, but seriously, why does it happen so fast? Payton is entering first grade and Brayden is beginning transitional kindergarten. Payton is over-the-moon excited that she got the teacher she wanted and the friends she cannot live without. Brayden has no idea what to expect, but has been very clear that he does not want to do homework and wants to play as much as he can. When he lined up today during a practice run of what to do when the bell rings, I found myself (yet again) looking over at my son. I was beaming with pride that 1). he did not cry 2). he handled walking in late to orientation and after I urged him to sit in back, he walked right up front and plopped himself front and center 3). he is the second tallest and though he gets scared with learning and tends to quit I know he is going to kick butt in TK.

Our Summer vacation was fast and while it seemed to me that we did nothing, we did. The first weekend of vacation we made a bucket list as a family. Most of the items seemed to be way easier but as the days moved quickly so did our work schedules. We joked that the kids would only gets baths in the pool and we would be lucky if they washed their hair. This was almost a correct assumption as the first month was swim lessons every day and then post lessons they were in our pool until the sun went down. The good thing is, we escaped without green hair and Payton didn’t end up with dreds, parenting win I tell you! Theres still time to knock a few things off our list like: baking cinnamon rolls, a Padre game (this week to be exact), Palm Springs, library visits and a backyard light show. I am sad that Summer is unofficially over with the school year beginning, but I am also excited for my kids. I love watching them become better tiny humans with larger hearts and sarcastic souls.

A big thank you to Little Blue Bow Photography for capturing our beautiful blue eyed babes!

Bunny Brunch at American Girl

Over the weekend my Mom treated all her girls to the bunny brunch + an amazing shop trip at the American Girl store in LA. It called for an early morning wake-up call but it was worth seeing the girls so excited. My nieces had been to the store before but it was a first for Payton. She got a doll for her birthday at one of the holiday pop-up shops so going to the mecca was outstandingly overwhelming. We arrived to the store quarter to nine. The store was quiet, every doll in place, every outfit perfectly hung. We made our way upstairs to the café and were seated at table one. They quickly helped the girls get their dolls in their seats and brought over the signature cinnamon rolls. They were tasty, but doll sized. Since it was a brunch we had four options to choose from: blueberry pancakes, buttermilk pancakes, french toast or scrambled eggs with potatoes. Since there were six of us I nibbled on everything. Everything was good, my sister said that their lunch menu was more impressive. As we were done eating it was our turn to take a picture with the Easter bunny. Each girl got an individual photo with the bunny and then we had the option to take a group photo with our own camera. When we returned to the table dessert was served. It was the signature flower pot chocolate mousse and a bunny sugar cookie. Both were very good but rich. The meal experience was memorable but the girls could not wait to start shopping. My original plan was to only let her doll get her hair done and ears pierced plus an outfit. That plan quickly changed once her cousins were getting a new doll. We now have a new member of our family, Lea, the doll of the year. I couldn’t say no to this doll, she’s adorable and with our upcoming family trip to Hawaii in the Fall she was the perfect addition with her island flair.

After the doll shopping we made our way to Nordstrom where Grandma spoiled them even further. Matching dresses, mini Easter stuffed animals, sandals, etc. If it couldn’t get any sweeter we ended at Dylan’s Candy Bar where there was no limit. It was a magical day for the girls. They truly have one amazing Grandma!